Why Halloween Can Be Particularly Hard After Pregnancy Loss & Infertility. I want to talk about why Halloween can be especially difficult for those of us who are grieving, and I’ll share a few ideas and tips with you to identify some ways you can really care for yourself not only today, but throughout the holiday season.

There are so many factors that affect fertility. Some of them we can control, and some of them we cannot. When it comes to how we take care of ourselves, especially how we eat and move our bodies, there are things we can do to support our fertility.

After overcoming Anorexia as a teenager, I turned to the health and fitness industry as my new way of coping.It wasn’t until I got a necessary little wake up from my body when my period went awol and I was diagnosed with Hypothalamic Amenorrhea that I realized perhaps I’d taken it a bit far, and perhaps these coping mechanisms weren’t so “healthy” after all.

I remember when I was in the middle of my journey with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss. My therapist introduced me to the “anger iceberg”. I was in the thick of my journey of infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss, and I was angry. I realized over time that I wasn’t just “angry”. My anger was actually just the tip of the iceberg and was masking what I was really feeling. What emotions is your anger masking? Save this post for later and come back to it next time you feel angry to uncover what you’re really feeling.

In both therapy and coaching practices, there is some general level of overlap. While this certainly doesn’t exhaust all the areas therapy and coaching differ, hopefully this provides a good summary of the major differences to help you understand and identify what type of support you believe will best serve you in your journey right now. In many cases, people benefit from seeking support in both coaching and therapy, especially if there is a history of trauma or a mental health diagnosis like clinical depression or anxiety. When I was going through my own journey of infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss, there was a season when I was seeing both a coach and a therapist and they each served and supported me in different ways that were beneficial to me.

The anxiety of pregnancy after loss was greater than anything I’d experienced before and there were many days I wondered if I would be able to make it through.

Throughout all of my pregnancies after loss, I didn’t have the tools or skills to help me ease my fears and alleviate my anxiety. Years later, however, I know there are many effective ways to help reduce anxiety during a pregnancy after loss. While the anxiety of dealing with another loss never fully goes away- reclaiming hope after loss, while incredibly difficult, is NOT impossible.

Here are 10 tips and mantras to help you or a loved one get through the difficult times and reduce anxiety during pregnancy after loss:

Chances are, if you’re reading this you recently saw two pink or blue lines pop up on a pregnancy test. And chances are, you’ve seen those lines before, and it’s ended unexpectedly in a loss.

So, first, my heart goes out to you. I’m sure you’re excited and anxious and overjoyed and terrified, all at the same time. And I can only imagine that you’re afraid to get your hopes up. Afraid to get too attached. Afraid of the what-ifs. And, guess what? That is totally normal! It means you are human, that you have loved before, and that you already love this new tiny human.

Pregnancy after loss is incredibly hard, and early pregnancy after loss can feel like the hardest couple of weeks of your life. Often, you are still grieving and you feel like you’ll be crushed under the weight of fear. But you can still have joy, you can still thrive, and you can still have a fulfilling, hope-filled pregnancy.

So here are ten tips for surviving early pregnancy after loss:

While most birth doulas provide non-clinical support during healthy and positive delivery outcomes, a certified bereavement doula is specially trained to support families who are experiencing the loss of a baby or during a subsequent pregnancy after a previous miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss, or terminal fetal diagnosis.

Birth and Bereavement Doulas are uniquely qualified to serve families through all types of pregnancies and births- including miscarriages and stillbirths, TFMR (Termination for Medical Reasons) deliveries, and “happy” pregnancies and deliveries with positive outcomes that occur after a prior loss. Whether you plan to have a medicated or unmedicated birth, a vaginal delivery or a cesarean section, a hospital birth or a home birth, a doula is a vital part of your birth support team to help you have an empowered and supportive birthing experience. 

Sex can be many things. It can be beautiful. Fun. Wild. Passionate. Mysterious. Exhilarating. Intimate. Magical. Sweet. Tender. Enjoyable. Relaxing. Or even sometimes, “just OK”. But after experiencing infertility, miscarriage, or pregnancy or infant loss- sex can also be many more things. It can be complicated. It can be scary. It can be triggering. It can be painful. It can be sad. For many, there’s this weighty feeling when it comes to sex of “can you (or even should you) experience joy or pleasure when your heart is so unbelievably broken?”

At their core, infertility, pregnancy loss, and infant loss share one major thing in common: grief. For some couples, it may be the grief of losing a baby. For others, it may be the grief of what they imagined life would look like, the loss of time, or the loss of their fertility. Grief, no matter its cause or its form, is complicated.

Sex is vulnerable, and when you are already in a tender state of grief in the midst of infertility or after pregnancy or infant loss, sex can be really triggering. You might be reminded of when you got pregnant with your baby who died. You may be so focused on fertile windows and timed intercourse that sex just feels like a not-so-fun task and just a means to an end. You may feel conflicted about wanting to get pregnant after a loss, but then feel guilty for even thinking about conceiving again so soon. You may feel terrified or anxious at the idea of getting pregnant again. Your relationship with your partner might be a little more fragile than it used to be. Of course, sex is as unique as the couple, but there are common emotions and mind frames many couples going through infertility or loss may experience.

After nearly 7 years and 8 unexplained recurrent pregnancy losses, hundreds of tests, countless medicated treatment cycles, 3 rounds of IVF, and 3 "second opinions" from fertility specialists in 3 different states, I learned over time 24 helpful questions to ask your fertility specialist during your first appointments.

I’m a mother, but you cannot see my children. I have carried eight lives in my womb who never made it to their due date, but I’m a mother nevertheless. Mother’s Day is for me, too.

When I meet strangers who ask if I have children, sometimes I don’t know how to answer. Because yes, of course I have children.. but they live in Heaven. How do you explain that to a perfect stranger who is just trying to make small talk? I find myself torn between wanting to acknowledge and honor the lives of my babies while also not wanting to burden a perfect stranger with the weight of grief and death and celebration of motherhood that never was, at least on this side of eternity. Most of the time I just say “Yes”, or “We are working on it”.

This Mother’s Day is my fourth as a mother with invisible children, marking nearly 5 years since we miscarried our first baby.

I am honored and proud to introduce my husband, David, to you all. We are sharing a journal entry with you that David wrote while he was in the hospital waiting room as I was undergoing emergency surgery earlier this month for an ectopic pregnancy.

David and I decided to share this intimate journal entry with you because there are not many male perspectives on pregnancy loss and grief out there. David has been my rock and he is truly the strongest, most selfless, serving, and loving person I have ever known. I know his words, pain, and perspective- although weighty- have immense purpose and carry an undeniable hope.

This is a very heavy read (You’ve been warned!), but we hope by being transparent about our journey and our process it will continue to normalize the grieving experience and allow others to find strength in knowing they are not alone.

The whispers of God and the wrestling with God often leave a permanent mark. On our souls, on our hearts, and sometimes even on our flesh. October 13, 2013 was truly the most beautiful day I could ever imagine. It was the day David and I were married. Right as we were saying our vows to one another, the sun pierced through the clouds and shone down on us and an eagle circled above us and flew overhead.

Six short months later, we stepped into the darkness and the desert of a three-and-a-half year wrestling match with God as we endured our first of seven recurrent pregnancy losses. Wrestling with God leaves a mark.

I think the question I am asked most often by friends and family who know about the 6 pregnancy losses is “How can I be there for you?“

I wanted to share some insight and some Do’s and Dont’s that were helpful to me to hopefully help some of you who may know someone going through infertility, a miscarriage(s), infant loss, etc.